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by no dang name is available
Summary: In which Kuroko asks for advice from the ex-members of the GoM plus their respective partners in order to bed one Akashi Seijuurou. College setting. AkaKuro side pairings: KiseKasa, MidoTaka, AoKaga, MuraMuro. Rated T for mentioning certain words. Oneshot.


**Author's Note**: Because I thought this was an awesome plot and the angst should stop. Seriously Fujimaki-san, STAHP!

* * *

_**With KiseKasa **_**(A/N: **Because I think that this pairing is so sweet and cuddly and kind of pure**)**

"Kurokocchi!" Kise yelled at the top of his lungs, eyes resembling two angle brackets as he attempted to rub himself all over the poor young man.

"Kise, heel," Kasamatsu commanded his lover with the authority of a dog-owner. As he was instructed, the blonde model stopped in his tracks and returned calmly to his lover's side. Kuroko raised a brow, the blonde had gotten much better since high school. He'd matured even a little bit. _Huh, so even dogs can mature too__._

"What made you ask us out today, Kuroko?" Kasamtasu asked the shortest one of the group.

"Ah, Kise-kun, Kasamatsu-senpai, I just had a few questions I wanted to ask."

"About?" Kise beamed at him.

"Let's take a seat first," Kuroko motioned toward the empty seats and tables and sat down first. Once they were all settled in the cozy cafe that Kuroko chose because it was closest to all of their universities, Kuroko told them to order something first before they could begin their discussion.

Kasamatsu looked at Kise worriedly, Kuroko caught the exchange and smiled at them to reassure them that it was alright, nothing bad was happening to him. At least, not in the sense that they would think.

When their orders arrived, Kuroko took a sip of his white hot chocolate first before beginning his mini-speech.

"You both may be wondering why I asked you to come out here today," he started, "I just wanted to ask some advice from you two. For various reasons. One, because I really have no one else to turn to for these problems except for you two and a handful of other people, and two, because I think you might be able to help me."

"Okay, we're listening, what's wrong, Kuroko?"

"Yeah, we can help with anything, Kurokocchi, just name it and we'll do it for you."

"Well... it's kind of embarrassing. And sad."

"Just say it Kurokocchi, we won't laugh or anything."

"Sei—Akashi-kun and I barely started dating about a few months right before we graduated from high school. And even though we've already done it, I feel like he's not making enough time for me. I don't want to be a burden and ask for that much of him when he's so busy, but at this rate, I'll go insane if we don't do it again soon."

Kise blinked, "Do _what, _exactly?"

"You know, sex."

Kasamatsu choked on his drink and Kise blushed all the way down to his neck.

"S-s-s-sex?" Kise squeaked, not at all expecting that from his ex-teammate.

"Kuroko, w-what?" Kasamatsu finally recovered from his drink.

"Well, haven't you two done it?"

"We... ah... we're..." Kise blushed deeper.

"We're waiting for the right moment."

Upon hearing this, Kuroko's already deadpanned face went completely blank. Then he nodded his head in understanding. _Ah, this is one of the purer couples. I see. My problem isn't as bad as theirs, and they don't even know. But that's alright. _

"Nevermind then," Kuroko sipped calmly at his white hot chocolate again.

_**With MidoTaka **_**(A/N: **Because this pairing is hardcore because of Takao's pervertedness and Midorima's compliance and him being unable to resist his uke's charms**)**

"Hn, why don't you just_ ask_ him, if you're so desperate?" Midorima pushed his glasses up before they slid down the bridge of his nose.

"Ahaha, what Shin-chan is trying to say is that if you really want to, you can just tell him and it's almost guaranteed that he won't say no. He's a man too, right?" Takao laughed and translated for his socially challenged boyfriend.

"But Sei—Akashi-kun," Kuroko corrected himself, "is so busy with his school work that he barely makes time for me nowadays. I just feel like I would be asking for too much. I already ask for dates, and for dinners, and so if I asked for that as well... I don't know."

"So, you just want advice on how to make your man bed you?" Takao said bluntly.

Kuroko's face colored slightly but he nodded nevertheless. Takao's catlike grin crept up his face and Midorima could already see where things were going.

"Want me to tell you about that one time I wore nothing but a pink frilly apron and waited for Shin-chan in his apartment?"

"Shut up, Takao."

"He was still so tired from his classes but man, we were at it for hours."

"Takao!" Midorima's blush made him look like Christmas in the middle of summer.

"Oh come on Shin-chan," Takao rolled his eyes at his boyfriend's antics, "Grow up. This was adorable when we were younger but this is getting kind of ridiculous. You should be able to talk about sex without turning all red like that. You're a man aren't you?"

"S-shut up. At... at least I don't take it up the ass," Midorima mumbled. Takao's vein popped on his forehead even though he was still wearing a big grin on his face.

"What was that? You want me to castrate you? Because even if I'm not a scissors freak like some other people I can still be pretty skilled with a knife. I'll know exactly where to cut."

"I'm just... gonna go now," Kuroko said without the other two hearing him and he left without them noticing either.

_**With AoKaga **_**(A/N: **Because these two are simple straight-forward and blunt idiots, and them together makes the perfect combination of stupid, short, and sweet**)**

Kuroko sat in front of his two ex-Lights and sipped his vanilla milkshake at the fast food restaurant that they frequented.

"So... you're saying I should just grab his hand and shove it down my pants when I'm horny?" came from the ever nonchalant tealheaded young man.

Kagami hit the cheekily grinning bluenette beside him upside his head and growled, "No, don't listen to _Ahomine_."

"Hey, it worked with you, didn't it? _Bakagami," _Kuroko sighed when Kagami's indignant sputtering and blushing face made his first Light look all dazed and lustful. He stood up from the table with his milkshake still in hand, leaving the two alone to eye-fuck each other without Kuroko having to see it happening. _  
_

He pinched the bridge of his nose when he finally walked out the doors of Majiburger. They were no help at all. Tactics like those wouldn't work on Akashi.

_**With MuraMuro **_**(A/N**: Because Murasakibara isn't as dumb as he seems and Himuro can be a scary-jealous but lovey-dovey wifey**)**

The two didn't even bat an eye when Kuroko finished explaining his dilemma. Murasakibara just stared at Kuroko blankly while Himuro smiled his usual smile.

"I think that it's quite cute that Kuroko-san and Akashi-san are facing this type of dilemma."

"Eh? You and Aka-chin haven't fucked in a long time, Kuro-chin?" Murasakibara munched on the edge of a pocky stick, "I would have thought that Aka-chin had done it already. I mean, he's always thinking about Kuro-chin in _that _way. He's so obvious whenever he just looks at Kuro-chin."

"Well, he's not acting on any of his thoughts," Kuroko pouted slightly.

"Atsushi, I didn't know you were that observant, usually you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a person that's conscious and a person that's unconscious," Himuro frowned.

"Aka-chin is different."

"Ah, is that so?" Himuro's frown deepened as his viciously stabbed at the cake in front of him.

"Un. All of the GoM are very easy to read. Kuro-chin and Sa-chin included. That's because I care for them that I notice their changes."

"..." Himuro looked up admiringly at his lover, "Atsushi... you're such a gentle creature."

_Gentle? Murasakibara-kun? _Kuroko thought incredulously.

"Of course, Muro-chin is very special to me so of course I'd notice changes in him very quickly," Murasakibara nodded, evidently proud of himself for being so observant and considerate.

"Atsushi..."

Kuroko sighed, these two weren't any help either.

* * *

"Tetsuya," Akashi placed both of his hands against the door beside Kuroko's head as he sneaked up from behind, completely catching his lover—who was trying to open the door to his apartment—off-guard.

"Akashi-kun," Kuroko was forced to turn around to face the slightly taller young man.

"Atsushi said you spoke to him."

"Ah, I spoke to Kise-kun, Midorima-kun, and Aomine-kun as well."

"Why?"

"W-Why?" Kuroko was taken aback by the sudden question, "I... well... I didn't know who else to turn to."

"You wound me, Tetsuya. You couldn't just come to me directly?"

"But," Kuroko cast his eyes to the side, refusing to meet the piercing heterochromatic eyes, "I didn't want to bother Akashi-kun."

Akashi sighed and took his hands away to let them both inside the apartment. "I thought I told you to call me by my first name."

"Ah, my apologies. I've been correcting myself the whole day that I forgot," Kuroko stepped inside.

"...Why did you have to correct yourself?" Akashi followed after him and closed the door behind them, sounding slightly dejected.

"I didn't want them to get confused. I just wanted quick answers, I didn't really want to explain a lot more than I had to. But, I'm sorry. If it would make you feel better, I'll say 'Seijuurou-kun' from now on, even if I'm talking to other people."

"Good. Now back to the matter at hand," Akashi quickly composed himself, "Atsushi left out much of the details, but I think I got the gist of it. So in light of that, who ever said that I was too busy with school work to make time for you?"

"I... Well... No one did. But, I just felt like an added burden to Seijuurou-kun."

"Tetsuya is never a burden. Don't say that."

"I apologize."

"Tetsuya," Akashi sighed again, "Come here," he stretched his arms wide open. Kuroko stepped into them and relaxed when Akashi hugged him.

"You're too polite that sometimes it makes me wonder if we're actually together or if we're just acquaintances," Akashi mumbled against the other one's ear.

"And Akashi-kun is too distant that sometimes it makes me wonder if I'm just bothering him whenever I ask for dates."

"Then we've both got things to adjust if this relationship is going to work. I'll apologize first. I didn't mean for it to seem like I have no time for you Tetsuya, you mean everything to me. You'll always be my top priority."

"I apologize too, for assuming and for being 'too polite'."

"No, you don't have to apologize for being 'too polite,' it's a part of you that I really like. All I'm asking for is for you not to be afraid to tell me what you think. Especially if it's about our relationship. I want you to be happy with me as much as I want to be happy with you."

Kuroko nodded. "I understand. I will tell Akashi-kun everything that bothers me from now on."

"Good. And I will make sure that when we're together, you're the only one that's on my mind and nothing else. No school, no shogi, no basketball. Just you."

"Thank you."

Akashi smiled, knowing that he touched on the subject that truly bothered the tealhead more than the actual sex deprivation. But, speaking of sex...

"So now, what should I do first," Akashi smirked, "dinner or you?"

"Not fair, I'm both hungry and horny right now," Kuroko frowned, as blunt as ever.

"Well no one ever said we couldn't do both."_  
_

A smile played on Kuroko's lips. _My sex life's going to be interesting from now on._


End file.
